Gay cruising or not? Let’s face it, not all of us look like a magazine underwear model and for the plainer looking monogamous folk, setting sail into the sunset on a gay cruise is an unlikely option.
Researching this article, it became evident that there is clearly a demand for gay cruises based on the number of cruise liners offering it. I also noticed that most of the ads feature hunky Muscle Mary’s in speedo’s creating a “Slice of Life” marketing campaign. Ads which are most likely designed by a straight person whose idea of a gay cruise is filled with hunky men.
Is this the reality of what doing a gay cruise is like? I for one wouldn’t know. My husband and I have only ever done “straight” cruises. I suppose on a gay cruise you can really let your hair down and engage in public displays of affection without being eyeballed by conservative old ladies. But what are your real motives for wanting to do a gay cruise? To make friends? To get your freak on, or to find your prince charming? You can bet your bottom dollar that its most likely one of the latter.
This brings up another question. Are guests of these cruises single or in a relationship? If single, no problem, let your hair down sister, but if in a relationship what are you doing on a gay cruise? There to spice up your relationship? Looking for a third wheel? Or just there to perv?
Having done four cruises already (the fifth coming up in two weeks), I can put my hand to my heart and say that it’s the best way to travel. You eat like a king, drink like a fish, unpack once and wake up to explore a new destination almost every morning. For those at sea days there is ample entertainment on-board and with dinner, theatre production and nightclub every night… it’s a gay man’s heaven!
Local cruises, those departing from Cape Town or Durban are not the best. The itinerary is boring, and the ships are often dated. Back in the day we did a Durban to Portuguese Islands cruise on the MSC Melody (now decommissioned). The highlight was being dumped on an uninhabited island for a braai. When we booked our second cruise I recall the sales consultant asking if we had cruised before. I mentioned who we cruised with and where we went. Her reply: “Honey that’s not cruising, THIS is cruising.” boy was she right! In this instance you have to ditch local and go international.
Where to book?
The best place to book your tickets is Vacationstogo.com . They have a 90 day ticket platform. This is where cruise liners dump all unsold rooms. With tickets discounted by up to 90% this Bargain Betty is a stalker on their webpage. If you think going direct to the supplier would get you the best deal, think again. Take my word for it and try the link above.
Now, no cruise would be much fun without a steady supply of Dora. Prices are most likely in dollars and you can rack up a hefty bar tab if you don’t have the drinks package. Yes, there are daily specials on selected cocktails and buckets of beers, but it’s still going to leave a big dent in the purse. Most cruises nowadays offer the drinks package for a small additional fee…TAKE IT!
Wi-Fi on board is a luxury. So, if you’re a Twitter, Insta or tiktok social media influencer millennial, there is a Wi-Fi package for you. If you’re Gen-X or older, purchase a coffee on land to make use of the free Wi-Fi to check emails and update your social media.
Eating…OMG. Skinny bitches ain’t gonna be skinny no more! Be prepared to put on a few kg’s…you can always gym them off later. With two main dining halls serving three meals a day (three courses for dinner), satellite food stands all over the ship and midnight snack buffet for those who get peckish after clubbing, there is no shortage of food. OH…then there are the specialty dining restaurants. These are not free but again you can upsize your cruise experience by purchasing a “Speciality Dining” package.
SO..
Shore excursions depend highly on the itinerary/destination stops. We found these hellishly expensive, and Bargain Betty can always find a better deal. Tour operators will be waiting outside the dismemberment point and offer the same packages for a fraction of the price. Just be aware that if anything goes wrong and you’re late getting back to the ship, you’re not covered, and the ship will leave without you.
Coming back to the ethos of this article, is it necessary to do a gay cruise? The character Emmitt from “Queer as Folk” comes to mind where he says “My flame burns bright”. Well, my flame is more pilot light in a gas burner, I don’t feel the need to mince into a room announcing my arrival. Today’s LGBTQ+ community tend to blend in more, and with homosexuality now accepted by most first world countries the need for these gay cruises (in my opinion) has diminished somewhat. Gone are the days where you had to go to a seedy club to hook up. We are all brothers and sisters, so let’s be inclusive and go mainstream. If you come across uneducated bigots, show them extra love.
By…
Donovan Steyl www.twoguysabroad.com
